You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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