Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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