Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
