I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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