You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
