You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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