i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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