I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize