I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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