i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
