Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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