Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
