ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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