Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
