the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
soo... how was my night?
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