She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
