When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
