Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
