Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
