Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
