she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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