And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
