Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
