I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
