We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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