dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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