jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm like, not good at living.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
