let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize