this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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