dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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