Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
