Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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