i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
