i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
