This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
