I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
did you just send me my own nude
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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