Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
