Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
