I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
