no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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