i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You're like the curious george of whores
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
