can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
