we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
