hotel room ftw
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
