u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Couch. On fire.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
