booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
