return my video game
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
