"it" just moved
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
