3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
do nipples grow back?
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