...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Randomize