Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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