Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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