He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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