At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
