tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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