I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize