Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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