Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Operation Purity has been aborted
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
