I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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