I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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