it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
