I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
