There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
