That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
