I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My penis needs a shock collar
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
