she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
