and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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