Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
