just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
