....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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