never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
