Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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