went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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