im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
