OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
